you are your daddy's best friend in the whole world jude.  you two are two peas in a pod and all the other analogies that fit.  watching you two play in the new snow this past week and even better, going sledding, has made me so happy to have you little boy.  you are so brave.  seriously, there is not a braver boy in all the world.  the word that describes you, if there were only one, would be joyous. everything you do you do with joy.  you are so happy and kind, but also joyful.  i love you with such fierce intensity that every single time you took off on that hill i felt my heart in my throat because you wear it with you you know.  and yet every time you made it to the bottom laughing and smiling all the way, i realized that in order to let you grow into the man that you are intended to be, i have to watch sometimes from the sidelines and just let things unfold.  there is more to you than me... i just now am understanding that.  and that, my child, is hard.  to know you are more than just me, you are you.  i love the child you are and the man you will be.

Day in the life Fall 2012

Today is October 30, 2012. Jude is 26 months old and Wyatt is in Memphis TN, and has been gone for 3 weeks so far and 3 more to go.

I woke up to check on his diaper at 5. But he was dry and still passed out. So I fell back asleep after checking on the updates from Hurricane Sandy.

8:50 Jude wakes up and I go pick him up for his morning ritual of Sesame Street and a Baba.  We have to watch Rocco and Abby two times because it is that good.

Jude needs a refill, and wants to sit on "bear skin rug" and so he drinks second milk down there.

I talk to Ruby and find out that she is safe and headed back to New Hampshire

The rest of the news from NY is so sad and weird to comprehend this early in the morning.

I have toast and coffee and it's not half caf so I feel a little dizzy after.  Need to remember to get decaf at store later so I can mix. We are out of everything but didn't feel like going to grocery store after running around all weekend.  Jude slept in till 11 yesterday so we needed the rest.

 930-10 Jude plays with train while I check blogs and twitter. Then he finds goes down the hall by himself to grab Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.  I'm proud of him because he is usually to scared to go without me. Clearly he lost his pants some where along the way this morning. So we read book a few times

 We text Daddy and get an update from him. He is in Memphis and wishes he could be home.  Last week he told me that in the end I would have to let him borrow my memories of Jude growing up .  That broke my heart because he wishes so bad he could be here everyday and yet I get overwhelmed sometimes and wish I could have a break.  Put things into perspective for sure.

950 Jude goes down the hall to find Daddy, then says "he working" Sad face from both of us.

Emotion song on Elmo worries him because he thinks it's the monster stomach skit but luckily it isn't and he is relieved.
11 Asks for peanut butter so he has two big tablespoons of it.  He hasn't been eating but the last two days he has tried a few things he used to eat so I am happy about that and will let him try whatever at this point.

 I take a shower at 1130 and get ready for grocery shopping.  Get Jude dressed and ready.  Make my shopping list.  Hard to eat all week alone!!

 Once we get outside he sees the Halloween candy in the car and he gets upset because he wants it, and so I talk him into forgetting it.  He has bottle instead.

Get to Kroger at 1230 and he does well.  He does whine for a balloon and some other things he sees.  This annoys me that they put so many things in these places for kids to want and we parents have to tell them no a million times.  Annoying.   Plus I had just talked politics with my Grandma so that was equally frustrating:)

Get out and get gas because I have a 50 cent discount.  

Head to salem in the wind storm from hurricane I guess.  It's about 2 by this time so we go through Arby's because clearly I don't eat enough junk when Wyatt is gone:((  I don't feel like anything for lunch and am hoping he eats chicken but he doesn't so double waste because mine was awful too.  Jude does however eat some ketchup so yay tomatoes?  Yeah no.

Arrive home at 220.  Buddy is tired and so we eat or don't eat.  And ready Chicka Chicka Boom Boom again and he is ready to go down for nap.  Change his diaper and take sweat shirt off first and lay him down.  

250 Let Perry out and try to decide whether to do dishes or clean, but I exhausted my work ethic organizing groceries so sit down to do this post and watch tv. 

 4:11 I hear him fussing, time to go be a mommy.

 Saddest little face ever. He is feeling a little blue when I get him but after a little sesame street and a baba he is feeling much better!
4:30 We run to walmart for some wine and candy for trick or treaters! He has two suckers and is crazy wound up when we get home.
Aunt Bunnie calls at 5:20 and she is on her way over and is bring subway.  We are hungry and Jude is excited to see her when she gets here.
I hurry and put his costume on and wait for little ghosts and goblins to arrive.  It's like wrestling a gorilla because he is sugar wound!!
6:05 we have our first goblin and ended up with about 20 kids so that was a fun night.

 Jude waiting for more tricky treats.

Jude takes his bath at 7:20 and reads books and we do jammies and he is down by 7:40. I am surprised with all the candy!
Bonnie and I have a glass of wine and catch up and she takes off at 8:45.
I get on elliptical and work out for a while.
Take my shower and talk to Wyatt.  I am in my jammies and eating Phish Food ice cream by 9:20.
Perry is exhausted by our day apparently:)
 I watch Ice loves Coco because most of my shows are in between and I have caught up on them.  I watch some of a Parenthood while writing this post.
10:30 hit the hay and read a little before I start the whole day over again tomorrow.  I love my life but wish I could share more of it with my husband.  It's lonely here about this time at night and I feel like I hope daddy knows how much I miss and love and appreciate him.  Jude needs daddy as much if not more as I do and misses him everyday.

So I lied. I saw these little jewels on my Canon and HAD to add them to this post!! He looks so amazing and daddy didn't didn't get to share the night so I wanted to make sure he felt like he was here.  

So I went and changed buddy while he was still asleep at 11.  And it is now 11:16 and I think I am going to finally sign off and get some sleep.

LIttle boy tantrums

Today was a battle of wills kind of day.  Yours and mind little man.  I will be honest I was so upset with you at lunch that you threw the whole meal I made for you on the floor.  I felt like all the work I do for you is for nothing.  Then I stepped backed and thought, you are 20 months and I'm being way to sensitive.  You see, sometimes it's important to think about your actions and change the ones that don't make you happy with yourself.  Sometimes even I have to re evaluate how I handle situations because Jude Momma is still learning too.  We finished the day off with a grand nakey dance party, you not me:)  and all was right with the world again.  As I laid your little body with hair still damp from the bath I thought about how wrong I was to get upset with you and apologized the best I could.  You see, momma wants to teach you how to be a good man but she also wants to be a strong, patient mother to you.
I love you Jude thank you for being patient with me, you are a good teacher.
Momma

Mommy Jude day

Dear little boy,
Today you and I took on a day of shopping together.  We live in a small town and so much of what we buy cannot be found here so it was off to the city for you and momma.
I would like to say I have it all together and that I am able to handle it all without a hitch but to be honest it is so hard.  You are such an explorer.  Every second of your waking hours are spent searching for something familiar and learning new things.  This is absolutely wonderful when it is a time and space that makes that safe and easy but it is another thing when Momma and baby boy have to wrestle all day.  Don't get me wrong you are so much fun at this stage but I need to work on my fitness soon or you will over take me:)
But you know what?  I love these days of our independence and freedom.  I was thinking on the way home that soon you will be too old and will be in school and I will not have my little buddy by my side 24/7 and that made me so sad.  This time is so fleeting.  I heard the other day it is like trying to hold water in your hand, no matter how hard you try it slips through the cracks.  I want you to grow and be a strong, caring man.  But at the same time I want these days to slow down and I want to hold onto your childhood.  This season is so short and I want to cherish every second of it.
There were so many challenges today and yet I thought, I will have a good day and this will work.  Guess what, it did and tonight as I put you to bed we read a bazillion stories because you wanted me to hold and rock you and read, and so of course I would read just one more.
Daddy working so hard for us is tough sometimes but I feel bad that he doesn't get this experience every day like I do.  Jude you are my blessing and my reason for being.
I love you little man.

Momma

My Love

I honestly have no words...

love you baby boy,
Momma

Maiden Voyage

Dear little Jude,
So I have wanted to do this for so long.  I have wanted to see my words on this screen and tell you all the things you do that never want to forget. 
You are sleeping right now and your daddy is at work.  It is just you and me and I want so badly to go into your room and watch your chest rise and fall.  I want to scoop you up and feel your breath against my neck.  I want to feel the weight of you.  But instead I sit here a room away and write you this love letter.  I know you need your precious sleep and I don't want to wake you but little boy I don't want to miss a moment of your sweet day.  
I plan to write you and share all the little things that I don't ever want to lose in the corner of my mind, or where ever it is those sweet little memories go that you simply can't recall.  But mostly.  I want you to know how loved you are.  
Love Momma